Christmas Tree

Thanksgiving was good! We got our tree up and I can't wait to start on some baking and crafting projects.

Baby, it's Cold Outside

Thanksgiving Thankful Leaves, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I feel like November is on fast forward.

I cracked a molar on french bread but you'd never know because my dentist is a wizard.

My hair is getting LONG!

I've been super busy working. I made french toast coated with cereal, sweet potato soup, yummy muffins and a fall salad. Did some fall crafting here and here and here. Made some Christmas crafts here and here.

It rained for two days straight and I loved it. It was wet enough for my rain boots and cold enough for my favorite thermal shirts.

A neighborhood kid threw a ball in our yard twice and twice he scaled the 5+ ft brick wall to retrieve it himself. My inner spinster unleashed on him and his guardians.

I get so much excitement out of being a cat in the new Super Mario 3D World.

I'm jonesing for Dance Moms sooooo bad. I've been watching Orange is the New Black to cope, I guess. There are parts (dynamics, relationships, themes) that remind me a bit of the loony bin.

It's almost Chanukkah and Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is at our home this year. We bought a massive Turkey last night.

We've been in our new home for just about a year (about a week to go). I've planned a cute photo for then.

Happy November

Halloween Squash and Gourd, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Hello November!

My energy level today is best described as "catching up on e-mails and Words with Friends moves."

I didn't get my Day of the Dead stuff projects done in time. Double ugh. But I dressed up as a Stepford Wife AND a Ghostbuster this year.

More fun updates at diyheather dot com as I am too lazy to say things twice :) Happy November, dudes.

working super hard

Halloween China Cabinet, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

So this happened! I can't even begin to describe the state of the dishes that normally live in this cabinet. They've obviously been evicted and are so haphazardly strewn all over my house in different rooms. Jason came home and said, "But didn't we buy this cabinet because we needed storage space?" "YEAH YEAH I KNOW I ALREADY HAD THIS ARGUMENT WITH MYSELF-- I'M NOT HAVING IT AGAIN!!" Hehe. You can take a better look over here.

One of my Pandora stations is so dang perfect. Fiona Apple. Toria Amos. Sarah McLachlan. The Cranberries. Mazzy Star. 90s Heather is satisfied.

I watched the Katy Perry movie on Netflix. I already liked her a fair amount but I really fell in love with her after watching it. I love to see people do well when they've worked hard. People who deserve it. It warms my heart. Don't be fooled-- I get plenty jealous here and there. There's a part of the movie... should I say spoiler alert? I always ruin things. Okay so SPOILER ALERT!!! There's a part where she has to start getting ready for a concert and she's uncontrollably sobbing because her marriage is over. She takes a moment then begins getting ready. On stage, she's crying during a song, and the entire stadium starts crying and chanting that they love her in Spanish. It was very touching. I had to get up and go kiss my sleeping husband because I was just so overcome with emotion.

I've been in a hospital bed, uncontrollably sobbing because I thought I was insane and my marriage was over. It's a tough place to be. It's a tough memory to have. It's still very real if I close my eyes. I wonder when it will go away or how it will age with time but I guess it's good to have around for comparison. I'm blessed. I'm thankful.

In less sappy news, my stuff has been featured around the interwebs lately! In a good way! This is such a big deal to me. It such a personal achievement and reward because I don't know the people who picked my content or wrote about it. I don't even know them from the internet or blogging circuit. I had to double and triple check. Check out my creations featured on The Stir dot com, Today's Mama dot com, Mommy Musings dot com, and Crafts 'n Coffee!

I've been working super hard (baking and blogging and all that other jazz) for two years now but I got super serious about it this last June. Then I got even serious-er this month and maybe I overdid what my body is capable of. I've reached many personal goals lately. It feels so good to make something happen. So it's time for more goals and more hard work :)

carrying the torch for some mysteries

like snowflakes, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I just figured out my Halloween costume. Can't tell cause you'll copy me. I just might make it a diy article. Who knows. Ideas are just ideas until I actually get moving.

I straightened my hair today to see exactly how long it was getting. Since this never happens, I figured I'd share.

I'm back to a schedule of being awake 30+ hours then sleeping for 3 and then 30 and 3 rinse, repeat. Not on purpose. Not because I'm some kind of fancy doctor with a life. Just my body and pain. It stinks. I'd like to go back on a sleeping aide (I've probably mentioned this a million times already) but I think that's part of what made me go crazy. Twice. So never mind.

In the meantime I'm watching a ton of Netflix. I can't watch scary movies and even the mildly scary ones that I can watch I will only watch during the day and with another person. But my husband is gone during the day. So I compromised and watched a documentary about The Shining, called Room 237.

It's mildly interesting. I always spoil things for everyone so SPOILER ALERT!!-- but they say that Kubrick filmed the fake moon landing and the Shining is his kind of story/confession to that. It's seriously interesting. They also talk a lot about the parallels between the film and themes of genocide against the Jews and the native Americans. I felt kind of cheated for never hearing any of this ever before, especially not in any of the like four college film classes I took (the parallels, not the conspiracy theory stuff).

Having said of all of this, the documentary is also filmed very strangely and some of the people talking take forever to convey their points or findings as if they are still forming opinions in real time. I literally yelled at the TV... "T-t-t-today, Junior!" (Quoting Billy Madison like it's still 1995) And it sounds like parts were filmed using Skype as one guy has to get up to go to another room and quiet his noisy child. Watch the first half for sure but only watch the rest if you've got nothing else to do. There are some gems and pearls worth hearing but you have to fish through the turds to get there. I was disappointed that they never made any mention of the weird scene with a maybe-sex-act between the man and the person in the dog suit. I have spent my entire life (I saw this movie way before I should have) wondering about it and if I don't know by now, I don't think I want to Google and know. I need to keep carrying the torch for some mysteries.

My Halloween cookies are featured on the stir dot com. My week has been made so I'm staying in bed 'til Friday.

a steady hand

Bela Lugosi, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I'm gearing up to decorate for Halloween this weekend. It required some brainstorming because this is a smaller house with less counter and table space for necessary decor. Compared to our last house, I'm short an entire (and boy was it large) kitchen island and a dining room. I got creative and will share when I'm done so stay tuned.

I did a mini-house tour today to show off spooky stuff in our house that stays up all year long. This picture is from that project. Click here to check it out on diyHeather.com.

The rednecks in the neighborhood are always shooting off fireworks and it drives me up the wall. The dog goes into a full-force frenzy and pees everywhere. I think she is a reincarnated WWII soldier with PTSD. I understand that many dogs are afraid of fireworks-- I'm just saying that in my dog's specific case it's the reincarnation and PTSD that makes the most sense.

I still can't wrap my brain around how they (the Redneckians) can afford to spend so much money on them (the fireworks) regularly. Like how can you afford a mortgage, bills, booze, cigarettes and fireworks on a regular basis? My friend suggested that's what happens when both partners have jobs and my stinkeye still won't subside. (Because I don't work.. get it?) They also just sit out in their garage all night watching a mounted flat screen. You got me! I'm jealous! They're better than me though because they have better stuff to do (like shooting off fireworks) than blog about me to the world wide interwebs.

My husband and I also have an on-going argument that Max from Catfish is gay. I say he is and J disagrees. Either way that man has enviously steady hands and probably carpal tunnel from constantly filming with tiny cameras. I say enviously because I wish I could just take a still shot the first time without it being blurry but my hands are dancing their way into old age.

Unrelated but related: I miss Dance Moms and Snooki lookin' so goooood! Totally serious. I spend half of the week wishing I was skinny and the other half wishing I was pregnant so I can go back to gaining mad weight.

The end!

truly uncultured

Halloween 2013 Cookies, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

So my local library doesn't have In Cold Blood by Truman Capote. Not because someone currently has it checked out. They don't have it. But they have 50 Shades of Gray. Imagine the faces I made. I'm still making them. But I guess I don't know who is truly uncultured here-- them for not having it or me for finally going to the library after living here for 11 months. Ugh.

Speaking of disappointment... I'm just as disappointed in American Horror Story Coven as I thought I would be. It's no Murder House. And it certainly isn't Asylum. It's a hot, rushed, mess. I also made the mistake of watching it while eating dinner with J. The first half was gorier than I'd like when eating leftover meatloaf.

We had a lizard in our house yesterday. I'm so baffled about how. Just the other day our neighbors said they kept finding lizards in their house. We were trying to figure out a way to quietly catch it without Bowie noticing but were unsuccessful. She figured it out. RIP Lizard. The picture is pre-Bowie, so he is alive and happy.

I've been keeping up with my Halloween/Fall baking way better than I anticipated. I made ghost cupcakes, yummy streusel muffins, and Halloween sugar cookies (seen above).

Don't cry over spilled Vanilla extract

Don't cry over spilled Vanilla extract, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Stop me oh ho oh, stop me-- stop me if you think that you've heard this one before.

So much baking. And then writing about baking. And listening to The Smiths and Information Society to keep me sitting and focused. Long hours. The house smells like pumpkin and chocolate. Totally awesome, but I can't even describe the level of chaos and disorder in my kitchen right now. I made cookies, and cupcakes, and then more cookies.

I'm super behind in my shows too. We finally just watched Boardwalk Empire tonight. Which reminds me, my entire life has been spent confusing Daryl Hannah with Patricia Arquette and vice versa-- with no offense to either actress. I'm just an idiot.

Have I mentioned my disappointment with decorations and goodies in the stores for Halloween 2013? No one has anything that I'm super in love with. Target usually delivers but their selection is meh compared to previous years. World Market has some really cute items that are reproductions of vintage Halloween designs. And they have cute Day of the Dead stuff. Other than that, I'm so let down.

I've been compensating by buying Halloween cookie cutters and sprinkles. I'm up to 20-something cutters and 15 bottles of sprinkles. This sounds like madness, but just wait. It will all make sense, gentle viewer. Stay tuned.

the adjacent farmville

Baby Cactus, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I've mentioned before that I live in a small farm town, I think. We've lived here almost a year. I hate that the grocery and drug stores aren't 24 hours. I grew up in what I thought was a small town until I moved here. There are times I feel like I live in the tiny town from Footloose, circa the Bacon version of course, but that's just me being dramatic.

I'm thankful that my life hit the fan in this little town because we won't live here forever. No one will remember what happened if you're catching my drifts.

Another reason I actually like living here is that I'm an hour away from where I used to live and grew up. There's no chance of running into someone. This a great way to avoid people I don't want to know anymore and is a nice break from people I like when I'm feeling overwhelmed and anti-social.

Until recently. I saw the girl who picked my scabs while I spent the night at her house in junior high. Ugh. We looked right at each other and neither of us said anything. I don't think I smiled. I don't think I ever smile unless I tell myself to. I recognized her but I dunno if she recognized me. We were in the same aisle for a few awkward minutes and then it was over.

What is she doing here? What is she doing in my Target? My Target is out in the middle of nowhere and you wouldn't be shopping there unless you also lived in the adjacent farmville. So she must live here. Here. Ugh.

This tiny farm town is only big enough for the one of us. Me. I hate to sound like a mean girl, because I'm not, but she's such a hot mess and I look so good for thirty. The end.

P.S. diyheather.com is s'all good again.

subtle and not-so-subtle

Milk, Eggs, and Butter, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

So I ate 11 of the 12 Breaking Bad cupcakes. My scale hasn't confirmed it yet but I'm going to get fat. My husband only ate one because he "wasn't crazy" about the frosting. He hates cherries-- fake, real, whatever. The frosting tasted more like almond but whatever. Word on the street is he was a very picky eater as a child. I won't even get into it. I've tried my damnedest to beat it out of him and we have made some serious progress in the last ten years. Oh well. So that's why I ate practically all of them.

I had a kind-of awesome job interview yesterday. It's kind of a big deal but also ambiguous so I'm not trying to be cryptic-- there isn't really anything to say about it but I'm semi-mentioning it anyway.

Diyheather.com is still being transferred and it's driving me crazy that it's not working right now. With the site down, I haven't been working on any content since Sunday. I've been watching a lot of television. I started watching Orange is the New Black, Catfish, and The Goldbergs.

I heard about Orange is the New Black on Reddit in an AMA with a gentleman who works as a prison guard at a female prison. A lot of people kept making references to and asking if it was anything like OitNB. I saw it the next time I loaded up Netflix (it's a Netflix original series) and it's by the same creator as Weeds. I really loved Weeds. Weeds was a spectacular show until I got smart and fell in love with Breaking Bad. Having said that, I still like Weeds and cried when it ended.

Orange is the New Black reminds me a little of Weeds. The dialogue. The subtle and not-so-subtle hints of social and political commentary. It's okay. I'm not in love with it but keep watching it to see what's going to happen next. I guess you could say I'm mildly invested.

I'm also incredibly stuck on Candy Crush lately.

This seems like such a forced and half-ass post. My apologies.

blue meth candy

Breaking Bad Cupcake, a photo by Heather Says on Flickr.

I had so much fun making these yesterday. My husband even helped me a lot-- he helped wash and dry dishes in between each stage and even made the blue candy meth. I'm happy he had the day off and we finally got these done. I have wanted to do these for awhile now. I'm surprised that no one (at least according to all my Googling) has thought of playing off of the characters names for the flavors/colors. Oh well. We got these finished just in time for yesterday's episode. I don't want Breaking Bad to end, but I don't know what other direction the series would take if it didn't end. It has to end. So I'll get over it.

Click here for recipes and instructions.

Not pregnant. Sooooo not pregnant. I don't know if I mentioned how great I've been feeling since the end of July? Or how great I was feeling. My endometriosis is creeping back, showing her face around here again. I was writhing in pain on the bathroom floor this morning, swimming in a puddle of my own tears and snot. I dunno what I'm going to do with myself-- except just deal with each day and just joke about it when I can. I asked our friend/neighbor if her daughter had a sterile doctor's playset capable of performing a hysterectomy and if she would take my insurance and if not could I pay her in fake blue meth. She gave me a referral to a neighbor that probably would accept my blue meth candy as payment ;)

like a droid now

Boo Berry Ghost Squares, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

These came out so good. Jason and I have pretty much eaten all of them. They're made out of Boo Berry monster cereal. If you've never had Boo Berry... it kind of tastes like Captain Crunch's crunchberries. I have an awesome idea for each box of General Mills Monster cereal, actually.

Boo Berry Ghost Squares recipe and tips can be found here.

In the meantime, my kitchen is such a mess. I asked Jason if we could just burn it down and start over but he said we can't afford to right now. I've been baking up a storm like a cute little wife. Tomorrow is another long baking day.

I spent today at my childhood home helping my dad do restoration stuff. I found a box in the attic with old light fixtures in it. It had a hand-written note inside from my oldest sister. It said, "This box was carefully packed on July 1, 1986 by Robin Hinchliffe." I got a kick out of it and took some pics but they came out as black rectangles? Again... I blame iOS7.

Are you rolling in your grave, Steve Jobs? Because I think you are. I hope you are. My phone feels like a droid now... in more ways than one. Attack of the droids clones. Cough.

for Pete's sake

Banana Pumpkin Muffins, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

These are the fruits of my labors. At least some of them. I made 38 muffins and 6 loaves of bread. What was I thinking? I was trying to perfect a recipe. The dog and husband didn't seem to mind so yay! Click here for recipe and tips.

I don't like iOS7.0. It feels like I have a completely different phone and I'm old-ladying around trying to figure things out. Ugh. Story of my life.

Jeopardy! turned 30. I didn't know we were the same age. They have a new stage that I also dislike. What is the theme here? That I dislike change? Maybe. Anyway. I'll take it up with Alex when I'm on the show. Someday. I'm brushing up on my world geography, the Civil War and Shakespeare-- otherwise I'm golden. I missed the online test last time because I was kind of in the hospital from an overdose. Enough of a reason to stay sane, right? ;)

I'm determined to not be funny and wear something nice for Pete's sake. I've learned from everyone else's cringe-worthy mistakes.

One teaspoon at a time.

One Teaspoon, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I'm doing a ton of baking today. My kitchen is such a mess right now.

I'm also in the process of transferring web hosting companies. It's such a headache and I feel so much more confused than I probably should be. But whatever. It will sort itself out and the house smells far too heavenly to be too upset about it right now.

One teaspoon at a time.

someone poisoned the water hole

Breakfast Traditions, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Me: Can we stop at Target? I wanna see if they put out the monster cereals yet. I think I want to grab some Count Chocula for a food blog idea.

Five boxes of cereal later. My husband is still shaking his head and then admitted he doesn't even like Count Chocula.

My all-time favorite monster is the Creature from the Black Lagoon. While I'm bummed that he doesn't have his own cereal, I can't say that it would be something appetizing. His diet was a lot like Gollum's I guess. And I don't want any of that.

Speaking of gross stuff-- our local water recently had E Coli. We don't normally consume tap water anyway so that didn't change anything but I did feel regal brushing my teeth with ice cold bottled water. It's fixed now. Supposedly. I'm still wary. My husband exhausted his Woody impression and jokes about how someone poisoned the water hole.

Oh well. Stay tuned for awesomeness.

my favorite traditions

Pumpkin Pancakes for Monday Night Dinner, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I had a pretty full weekend ;)

I spent part of it with a friend for her birthday. We did some cowboy bar hopping and fell asleep by 9:00pm like the old ladies we are. I treasure her-- probably because we met in a loony bin. She knows me in ways most people can't.

When you call yourself DIY Heather, people are going to ask you to do things or even expect you to do them. Like staining cabinets. I spent the rest of my weekend staining the brand new kitchen cabinets at my parent's house/childhood home. It took forever but I was happy to do it. The whole process from the flood to this new home taking form before me is a bit of a bittersweet process. I keep saying this. I know. I'm going to miss the countertops, tile and linoleum circa 1980. I'm not going to... I already do since they've been gone for months now.

We had homemade pumpkin yogurt pancakes for dinner tonight. It was a festive whim turned last minute food blogging. I love fall and the flavors associated with which. I know how it feels to live in a snowglobe-- I live in a desert that never feels like fall and my favorite traditions feel fake and strange because it's still over 100 degrees outside. Oh well.

the end result

Potato and Broccoli Latkes, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Okay I can't not mention Dance Moms...

As much as I don't care for Candy Apples and their gimmickry and drama-- that voodoo dance was quite good. I also won't miss Asia or her bug-eyed mother. Have I ever mentioned my thoughts on Asia? I hate to say something not nice about a little girl but... She has too much sass. She reminds me of a miniature drag queen-- and not in a good way. I always cringe at the shots where she and her mother have dance offs. I'm also not a member of team Leslie and Peyton. Peyton always has an opened mouth and a dumb look on her face-- like a certain young woman from a popular vampire franchise. Gaping open mouths are a pet peeve of mine.

Anyway.

A couple weeks ago I added broccoli to my homemade potato latkes and fell in love with the end result. I've made three batches since then. I finally got around to perfecting the recipe and taking pics for foodblogging. You can find the recipe and instructions here.

I've got some neat food and craft ideas coming up that will keep me incredibly busy-- per usual.

I've been on instagram quite a bit lately. If you wanna follow me, my username is hetherrd. It's a little play on my name but gets lost in translation and from a lack of spaces and periods. Should look like Hether Rd. Get it? Corny.

very different from me

She's Stacked, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

What a Sunday.

New episodes of RHONJ, Breaking Bad, AND Boardwalk Empire. I didn't even realize Boardwalk was back until we sat down for Breaking Bad. What a nice surprise. Not a bad episode. Needed more Margaret Schroeder and Van Alden. I guess having said that makes me realize they're probably my favorite characters. Aside from Harrow, who was in the episode. I'm also a bit of a fan of Al Capone. It sounds so weird saying it, but he's such a handsome, likable character in this show. He reminds me (and Jason too) of Joe Giudice from Real Housewives of New Jersey. So sometimes we call Al Capone "Juicy Joe." That's probably a weird comparison but oh well.

People usually give me a funny look, a hard time, or both when they find out I watch shows like Real Housewives or Jersey Shore. Is it typical? Maybe. There are life lessons to be learned in there. Somewhere. Trust me. I also just enjoy people. People like me. People very different from me. Etc. For the record-- I don't watch any of the Kardashian shows. I'm still very confused about who they are or why they have shows. I know of their parents but still don't get it.

It rained so much today. I opened up the house again. That's two days in a row. It's supposed to be back to triple digits by the end of the week-- but it's such a nice break for now. It's like living on a totally different planet for me.

a lazy Sunday coma

Dancing Curtains, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

It's only 86 degrees right now with a high of 90. Maybe it really is September. Triple digits until Halloween is standard. A tradition even, because that sounds more festive. But I'll take it.

I have the whole house open because not only is it cooler but actually breezy. I love the way that curtains dance in the breezes. I could watch it for hours and slip into a lazy Sunday coma.

We have a rather large southwestern brown widow that has built quite a penthouse between the strands of our patio lights. When we let Bowie out, we each take turns watching her through the sliding glass door. We make squinty Dad faces like we aren't wearing our glasses-- but we always are. Grossed out faces. Curious faces. As I was watching her last night while Bowie did her business, Jason called out from the kitchen--

"Is it moving? I hate when it moves!"

My husband hates and fears spiders. Not that I don't. I do. But I have to fear them a little less because I am the designated spider-killer. I've left her alone so far because our bug guy is coming anyway. There are a few widows living on the patio and I'd just rather not mess with it. It's not as bad as it was when we moved in last year. The entire backyard was infested with black widows. It was horrible.

I also can't bring myself to kill her because she's full of babies. Or her web is, rather. I don't want to be there when they come. It grosses me out. And I know my husband is going to absolutely lose his mind. But I still can't kill her. I'm also not brave enough to catch her and move her somewhere else. I figure if we don't bother her, she won't bother us. She's high enough up that the dog won't mess with her either.

I dunno if it's Charlotte's Web, semi-current-events or what exactly. I just can't kill her.

a new perspective

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

All the rain has brought some life to our unfinished, downright desolate backyard. I sat in the dirt and snapped this photo with my phone literally on the ground. I love getting a new perspective. It can change my whole day.

These guys are going to be weeds worthy of my cursing and dirty looks. But for now, they're cute little babies.

eating things that you're not supposed to eat

vintage jar and bottle, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Okay. Epiphany time. It's about death.

Do I sound stupid when I say I'm afraid of dying? If you're familiar, you're rolling your eyes. Otherwise, you have some reading to do.

But I am. I had a thought that made me a little more comfortable with dying. One of my favorite songs is "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division. If Ian Curtis hadn't died, New Order wouldn't have formed. I can't imagine living in a world without "True Faith," "Age of Consent," "Temptation," "Bizzarre Love Triangle," and duh, "Blue Monday." Is this selfish? Probably. I loved both bands since childhood but it wasn't until much later in life that I discovered their connection.

I think this idea will pop up when I'm talking to my children about death. When they ask, that is. And then we pull out the vinyl if they're not already familiar.

In other news. I spent an entire day at the Brass Armadillo. I think it was once a supermarket but is now a two-floor antique store. It takes FOREVER to look at everything. It's one of the few perks to living this far west in the valley. I was looking specifically for a vintage Sprite bottle from a collection made for and distributed in the National Parks in the 60s. That sounds pretentious. Oh well. I settled for this one. Not from the Park series. It was still sealed and my husband frowned a bit as I poured history down the drain. That soda was almost older than both of us combined. It looked like it. There was a nasty, slimy film on the inside of the bottle that required a little elbow grease. I won't lie-- I was tempted to taste the incredibly old soda. But I didn't. I have a very bad history of eating things that you're not supposed to eat. Glow stick glow (as a teenager). Tire sealant (as a teenager). So much raw cake batter I went to the ER (last year). I wouldn't call it pica. I'm just an idiot.

add it to the list

Sprite Biscuits Recipe, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I love biscuits. Actually I just love anything bread/flour related. Period. But biscuits are amazing. I made biscuits using this recipe a few times already because they are so good. It's the closest thing to a KFC biscuit that I've ever tasted.

Confession time: I don't like biscuits and gravy. People usually lose their minds when I say that. Same goes for when I say I dislike The Walking Dead or Firefly. And Doctor Who. People. Lose. Their minds. So just add it to the list.

I saw a discussion on Reddit where people were saying, "You shouldn't marry me because..." and then fill in the blank. I never opened it up but you shouldn't marry me because I don't like Dr. Who. It's probably a big deal because I think everyone in the entire world loves that show. Good thing for me I'm already married.

my sweet treats

September, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I asked for rain and she came. It's been so stormy. We've had to cancel our Joshua Tree adventures three times now.

So I've been baking a lot instead. Baking faster than I can blog about it. Baking faster than Jason and I can eat everything. We don't know our neighbors. If we did, I'd just unload all my foodbloggingfood on them. I know that somewhere, in our neighborhood, there is a pedophile, because we got something in the mail about it. I don't know him. Or where he lives. And he doesn't get my sweet treats.

Speaking of children... we are officially trying again. We had to wait two cycles post-miscarriage and surgery. I thought it would take a million years for my body to re-acclimate but nope. We good. So we'll see. Getting pregnant would be awesome, duh, but it would make me quit the soda again. I caved from stress last month. It could be a lot worse. I'm only drinking two cans a day and also drinking my ensure smoothies and water-- but I'd like to get back down to zero cans.

to satisfy childhood dreams

Shade Pull, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

It's been a gloomy couple of days. Everything suggests rain but no one ever follows through. Probably just an anti-social sun and lucky for him, I can relate.

I think my resume is buried in a broken computer somewhere so I had to make a new one from scratch. It took forever but had to get done. By the end, I was feeling really accomplished. In more ways than one. I had some dumb jobs in the last 13 years but also did some things that I'm quite proud of.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night so I was watching the long block of ALF episodes that play on the Hub that late. I found myself distracted, wondering what happened to the cast because aside from the dad, I never saw anyone else in anything, I think ever. Long story short, the boy, Brian, looks exactly the same. He's a couple years older than J and I and he actually lives here in Phoenix. I was creeping his google plus and various other places he exists online. They're out of date by like a year. He turned into a handsome man, for sure. Anyway.

When my sleuthing began on IMDB, I happened to see the new news about Batman. I don't have a comment. Yes I do. I think if we're going to pick unlikely Batman characters, Mark Wahlberg is a better choice than Ben Affleck. I almost woke my husband up to tell him the bad news, but resisted.

More late night browsing on my phone led to the discovery that Joshua trees actually grow in Arizona. I feel like an idiot living here my whole life and not knowing that. I've been dying to go to Joshua park since I was a kid. I would watch Ellen as a kid and wish I was an adult with cool roommates and we would watch tv outside at night in Joshua Tree park. We tried to check it out a few years ago on the way back from Disney but you have to drive into the park for a considerable distance before you start seeing scenery that's worth taking pictures of. Which is really all I ever think about. So Joshua Tree Forest is a scenic highway in Arizona, about 3 hours from us-- so much closer than Joshua Tree National Park. I've read online that some of the trees here in AZ are bigger than the ones in the California park. So I guess we'll see. This is such a big deal and I have already begun bugging my husband about it. Of course, I'd still like to experience the national park to satisfy childhood dreams and it also contains rock formations I would like to see.

And to just completely contradict everything I have been saying for 4+ months.... I re-signed up for Facebook. It's a business account, so people just like me and I don't get to see the drama. It's a good compromise, I guess. You can check it out here.

Did you watch my vlog the other day about a certain frienemy? Either they are stalking me or this is just a continuation of hard-to-believe coincidences. I opened up instagram, which I barely use, but decided to start using a lot starting yesterday. I had an alert that frienemy started following me. I thought it was a random stranger at first. My husband gave me his, "I told you so" eyes because he insisted frienemy would see video. I kept insisting, I didn't use names. There was a whole lotta insisting going on. I haven't spoken to that person in years and years and years. My guess is 10 but maybe even more. So. Weird.

My life is never this interesting.

awkward females

Animal Crossing Squid, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Flight of the Conchords and Kristen Schaal are coming to my desert! I literally started screaming in the car when we drove by a billboard that said so. Am I typical for being so in love with them and awkward females like Kristen Schaal? I can't even contain my excitement. My animal crossing character has bunny ears because I love Louise (voiced by Kristen Schaal) on Bob's Burgers. You need to know that, Kristen Schaal. Google yourself and read this. That's how my college professors found the things I said about them. Another story for another time.

I really do relate to awkward females. I am an awkward female. You don't even know. I scream. I'm annoying. I don't make sense. Some days I wonder why my husband loves me and married me. Sometimes I'm even too much for me.

I sometimes sit and wonder about people who I lost touch with. I wonder if they ever remember me and think, "Wow that Heather was a real weirdo!" Some people have me beat though.

I once spent the night at this girl's house in junior high. I fell asleep watching tv with her and when I woke up she was taking my watch off (which she broke) and I had a cut on my arm that was bleeding but was a perfectly fine scab before I fell asleep. I deduced she picked my scab. Was she weird or was it just the 90s? She added me on Facebook a couple years ago and I became more and more enraged by how she constantly tried to out-God, out-husband, and out-baby everyone on her friends list. She unfriended me when I updated my status to congratulate Mr. Obama on his second presidential term. I got my out.

She is so awkward but I can't relate to her. I'm glad we no longer know each other or have fake social media contact. Add this as another reason why I'm glad I broke up with Facebook. Seriously.

cooking again

easy Italian meat balls, a photo by Heather Says on Flickr.

All I had to do was complain that I hadn't been baking or cooking lately. Today I was suddenly inspired to get cooking again. Of course literally. Click here for recipe and tips.

We had these for dinner with veggie pasta and watched my favorite Tuesday TV programming-- Dance Moms. Duh.

I love how Cathy blamed their lack of winning on Anthony. Now that Anthony is gone and she and the other emotional mom did the choreography, they still didn't win. I guess this proves that even with gimmicks they only win half of the time and that she has no talent as a dance instructor. She's such a mess. She reminds me of an evil version of Sandy Duncan from the Hogan Family. I complain, but at the same time, if she left the show I would probably complain about how I missed her drama. I guess she and Vivi-Anne are just necessary evils. I take that back. Cathy is the necessary evil. Vivi-Anne is the comic relief.

new around here

working view, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

This is my view. I painted (if you can call it that) the watercolor front and center last year for my husband. I hung it there so he could look at my and Bowie's darling faces while he works. Although these days, I'm the one doing all the looking at it. I never finished my office. I'm still working out of my husband's. No harm. No foul. I just lost steam. I guess.

I have also fallen off of the wagon. I'm back to drinking the demon soda pop. Not nearly as much as I used to, but still more than I'd like to. I've been understandably stressed and upset. Am I justifying it? Probably. It could be worse. I don't do drugs, drink liquor or take pills. Not even acetaminophen. Not anymore, that is. Seriously. If I'm trying to convince you then you must be new around here. My point is-- it's just soda and it will pass.

I'm in a bit of a funk. I get away with the bare minimum of cooking. Just enough so my husband isn't starving or just eating Kraft dinner. I haven't done anything crafty in almost a month now.

It's probably just the 30 year old blues mixed with the uncertainty my existence holds. Add the miscarriage. Add the misadventures with teenager.

I probably just need a vacation or a very long drive.

busy moving on

Rosson House Chalk, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I often find myself sitting and wondering about all of the people that the internet has chewed up and spit out. Well not all of the people. I guess just some of the ones I know of. Jessi Slaughter. Chris Chan.

I didn't follow the events as they hit the fan. In fact, I didn't know anything about these two until earlier this year. They were already busy moving on with their lives.

Between the two, I felt really bad for Chris Chan. A lot of people will tell you not to, that he brings it on himself. The more I read about him, the worse I felt. I even went as far as to friend request him on facebook, back when I had one. He never responded to any of my requests or messages. I'm sure he figured I was a troll and the fact that I specifically said, "I'm not a troll" still raised a red flag. I guess I'm happy that these days he's being more cautious. The trolling he has endured gives me a very sad headache. My intent was to just be nice to him. I felt like he didn't have enough people being nice. Everyone deserves that.

I arrived to the party way too late. The person I was feeling sorry for isn't there anymore. Chris Chan has changed a lot-- maybe all the trolling and or his personal struggles. He's just an angry man now. I gave up my efforts awhile back.

I also sometimes think about the fathers of Jessi and Chris. They spent the last couple years of their lives dealing first hand with the internet backlash and how it was affecting their child on a daily basis. And then each father passed away. I can't even imagine the daily stress. Having said that, I do agree that it all could have been avoided and the events that played out are just consequences of kids with unlimited access to the internet.

I did dumb things as a kid. I also did dumb things as a kid on the internet. Lucky for me and my adult life, I didn't have internet in my home until I was 16. I had a brief encounter with poor choices and hopefully my poor choices aren't floating around the internet anymore. Who knows.

At the end of the day though, they're just people.

emotional responses

Coolidge Palms, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

It's hard to assign names to emotions sometimes. Either they're foreign or you just don't know how you feel. I'm a special mix of sad and angry but can't decide how much of each.

Teenager's stuff is still here. We closed the door because it was just too sad to look at. My husband came home from work last night and I told him that this felt like a breakup. "I get sad when I see something of teenager's. I'm sad and angry but I wish I could just be angry." J raised his eyebrows and said, I feel EXACTLY the same way.

It's a weird little circle because even when I'm angry about the situation or angry at teenager, then I feel sad for feeling angry. I guess I'd rather feel angry than sad because my anger is pretty calm and quiet. I just stew and think in silence. When I'm sad, I cry until my head and chest hurts. I guess I have control over my anger but no control over my sadness. Sadness controls me. Is that a cop out?

This empty house has a way of drawing out emotional responses. This house hasn't seen enough joy. It has become the place we moved where all the sad stuff happened. When we move someday we can leave it behind and perhaps that is its purpose.

All I can do is pray. For the situation, for teenager, for strength.

I did however say something to my husband out of anger that I have wanted to say for four months. Sure four months isn't that long, but at this rate I expected to take it to my grave. "I know your mom sent you specific instructions on how to have me committed and I saw the text message to our neighbor that said I was crazy and you were having me committed the following day." This is all old news but was something I struggled with daily because it was never resolved. I feel better about it now but still feel bad about current situations.

This all surfaced because teenager was struggling with their sanity.

My heart hurts

heart smart snacking, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I often say, it's been a long day! Or loooooong day! Or a long hard day. I realized today I hate that and I'm done saying it. Every day is as long and short as the others. My long hard day is probably pesos for someone who's got it harder and tougher. Today was long. Today was hard. But I'm done saying that.

Teenager is beginning a different life now. It could have ended better. A hundred different ways better. My husband and I are truly sad. My heart hurts. I've known teenager since before they were born. Seeing teenager grow up has been bittersweet. The last week was difficult. I want teenager to make good choices. I want teenager to be in control and successful next time I see them.

I know we did everything we could and tried every avenue but I still can't help but feel like I didn't try hard enough or maybe I was too tough.

It's been a difficult year. It's been emotional and personal. Life is. I'd shake my head when teenager thought they knew everything. I now wonder who's shaking their head at me. I don't know everything at 30. Sometimes I think I do. I wonder what else I'll learn. I wonder what else will happen this year because it's truly been one hell of a year. Not so much what else could go wrong... But what else can I take away from these experiences?

find some peace

august berries, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

It's a better day. Better than it's been.

The teenager is being a real turd about waking up in the mornings. For three mornings now I've missed 8am mass. I need it. I'm struggling. I need to chill out and feel my Lord. I hope teenager can maybe find some peace in the process too. My husband and I had pretty tame teenage years on account of what squares we were/are. Relating to this angry young adult and this situation is an adventure.

My days are so different now. Extra food to cook. High school math homework. Discipline. Drama. Etc etc. Speaking of drama, two very attractive female police officers paid us a visit on account of teenager. I now affectionately refer to them as the "hot cops". It's an Arrested Development reference but also true.

I coulda been a hot cop. Maybe.

teenagers will be teenagers

pitfallen, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I'm losing my mind a little. Maybe a lot. Don't worry. It's probably not what you think.

My husband and I inherited a teenager for an undisclosed amount of time. I was so ready to be a mom-- as long as that meant cutesy baby things. Not teenage delinquency and brooding. This certain teenager is not able to be taken care of by their mom or dad and my husband and I are now legal custodians per a male version of Judge Judy.

We're on day three. I understand teenagers will be teenagers but why is this one so argumentative and entitled? I haven't put my foot down so much since my days of managing the video game store and the corresponding gaggle of teenage employees.

Ugh.

the wolfman and the full moon

playing ds, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

It's August. Insert all cliches and dumb small talk about time flying and where has the year gone.

I've been playing a ton of Animal Crossing New Leaf lately.

I've also begun sleep eating again. I don't know I do it until I wake up the next morning with an empty cereal bowl next to my side of the bed. It's always cereal. I never make a mess, hurt myself, leave the milk out, anything. A few times my husband has seen me. He says I'm like a zombie. He says I just sit there, shoveling it in my mouth like I don't even notice him. That has to be the weirdest thing. Well, almost as weird as everything else that has gone down. I began sleep eating back when I was being medicated and that was the only time I ever did. Once the medicine stopped, so did that. I didn't even know it was a thing until a friend mentioned that her husband did it. It was like, "This weird thing I do has a name?!" It's both an awesome and creepy feeling. You feel no longer alone but then, I dunno, diagnosed? I dunno what's worse. I just can't figure out why it's happening again all of a sudden. I'm on zero medicine aside from blood-thinner medicine. I have zero stress.

My period also came back. I have never ever EVER been so happy to see my period. Especially when you're trying to have a baby. A period is the last thing. I was worried it would take awhile for my body to come back from the miscarriage and D&C. My OBGYN said it could take a couple months. I didn't want that to be the case because however long that took then I had to add another 2 cycles on top of that before trying again. My surgery was exactly 30 days ago. It's like my body just picked up where we left off. I have to admit, I was a little worried about finally getting it again. The two times I tried to kill myself were on the first days of my last two periods. That can't be a coincidence. I think I was just so hormonal and out of my mind from those medicines that it just triggered me. Then I got pregnant. In the back of my mind, I kept wondering what would happen. I feel normal, but I think I probably felt or thought I felt normal back then. I can't remember. What would happen when it came? Would I go crazy? It's maybe like knowing you're the wolfman and the full moon is coming? Is that a lame analogy? Probably.

Oh well. One down and one to go. Why am I publicly talking about this?

our front yard

purple texas sage, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

So this is what we woke up to this morning.

We have three of these purple Texas sage bushes in our front yard, but the other two are much smaller. This one needs a serious trim. When we moved in, it barely crept past the bottom of my office window and now I can barely see out of it.

This is the purplest it has been in the 8 months we've lived here. It's usually just green and in the past has flowered a few times but never like this. It's so pretty. I can't bring myself to trim her if she keeps looking so pretty. Hopefully we won't get a dumb letter from our dumb HOA.

the positive pieces and opportunities

escalator, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

So my urban exploration / photography opportunity was awesome. I don't think I've ever explored an abandoned building before. I went with a friend and a group of local amateur photographers, otherwise I would have been too scared to go.

I took this photo yesterday. It's from an abandoned horse trotting park that's a few minutes from my house. It's been closed down since the 60s. It has an eeriness that beckons you from the interstate as you drive by. I've been itching to check it out since we moved to this side of the valley 8+ months ago.

I didn't get murdered. We didn't even see homeless people. It was incredibly hot and stunk with tons and tons of bird and bat droppings-- but I got some pretty decent pics. I'd like to go back when it's cooler and during a different time of day.

I realized last night that I would have never had this adventure if I was still pregnant. Traipsing around in asbestos and feces in an unstable building wouldn't have happened. So while a miscarriage can be devastating, you have to find the positive pieces and opportunities, keep finding them, and be thankful for them.

Check out the rest of my photos from the park here.

grown up things

07272013, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I want to buy everything from World Market from now on. They have the best everything. I wish I had an extra 800 bucks laying around for their beautiful bureaus and dressers. I settled for clearance jewelry and some two-tone heart-shaped ramekins.

I'm going to photograph an abandoned horse track tomorrow. It's just up the interstate from our home. There's something very haunting and depressing about it. It's been abandoned since the 60s. My husband says murderface is going to get me. I'm taking my friend Jeff and meeting up with other local photographers. Just in case.

I've known Jeff since 2005. Hanging out together used to mean setting things on fire-- like Spongebob pinatas. Sounds juvenile, I know. Do people still do things like that in their twenties? We did. We're older now. So we do grown up things, I guess. I'm excited to see him. We used to work together years ago and hang out all the time. We rarely see each other these days. I last saw him when I was hospitalized for my second overdose. That was barely four months ago but it feels like so much more time than that has passed. In a good way.

waffles for dinner

Mickey Mouse Waffles, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Jason and I went grocery shopping yesterday. I had a strict list we were adhering to.

A Mickey Mouse Waffle Iron was not on that list. It was too cute and too on sale to pass up. We came home so excited that we made waffles for dinner.

I've avoided waffle irons in the past because:

+would we really use it?
+it's a messy appliance
+I don't want to clean it
+The batter sticks
+Waste of money
+etc

I was wrong. At least when it comes to this one. It was so easy to use. So easy in fact that my husband made the waffles himself. The iron stayed clean and not a single waffle stuck. It's also a small appliance so storage won't be an issue.

I love it so much :) <3

the hanky pankies

frozen blueberries, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I'm still on my smoothie kick. I get a kick out of the pretty little crystals that always grow on my blueberries so finally took a pic.

I had my post-op follow up. Everything is normal and or as expected. Well except a bladder infection-- but that's normal too. I didn't even know I had it. Usually infections like that have me writhing in pain but this one was a nice guy, I guess. Or girl. Oh well. Three days of antibiotics to kick it out and hopefully no subsequent yeast infections. My vagina can be a real bitch.

Got the green light for the hanky pankies but CANNOT get pregnant for at least two cycles. It'll be hard to resist but I'm glad I read up on it.

Lots of dumb women on forums admit their doctors told them to wait a few cycles before getting pregnant, but they waited just a few days and got pregnant again just to miscarry. Again.

Are you an idiot? (Not you, of course. Them.) I refuse to be an idiot if I can help it.

a hint of white trash

sunburn2013, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I got such a bad sunburn the other day. I'm a grown adult. I know better. Yeah yeah yeah. Fresh cold aloe from my garden makes everything better.

My birthday was uneventful. My husband made me a beautiful hot mess of a birthday cake. My friend treated me to a manicure. The end. It was really like any other day. Oh well.

My parents' house is almost done. It's been about 6 months since the water damage. Multiple repairs had to be done twice because the jokers that were contracted by the insurance company screwed up so many times. They had to rip out an entire ceiling and do it again because they rushed the job and the first new ceiling came out cracked everywhere. It's been such a joke.

The moral of the story is... I really need to get that Star Wars tattoo touched up. It's getting a hint of white trash to it.

under control

lovenox, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

So I picked up my 30 day supply of lovenox the other day. I inject it every 12 hours into my stomach-- so that's 60 needles. Actually it's the generic for Lovenox, Enoxaparin Sodium Injection. Our insurance covers every penny, otherwise it would cost over 4 thousand dollars for every month's supply. Yes. $4,000+. It's so much money. Blah.

I'm content staying on this for as long as they'll let me. I did Coumadin (which is a pill) for two years before this and I've been injecting now for about 3 months. I can't take Coumadin while pregnant, so I'd rather just stay on this from now til that happens and then continue instead of playing musical medicines.

People always ask me if it hurts. It does. The needle is small, so it could be much worse. After these past few months, I'm developing little areas of scar tissue in my stomach where I can no longer feel the needle go in anymore. The actual medicine hurts though too. It burns. I guess like poison? I have no frame of reference. Actually like a bee sting. It burns like that. And then for about 30 minutes after, I feel like I got punched in the stomach. Then it goes away and I do it again 12 hours later.

In the beginning, I couldn't do it and my husband had to. When we got the news that there might be something wrong with the baby, I told myself to just get over my hangup and do it for the baby. And I did. It still grosses me out. It's hard to do to yourself, especially when it hurts.

All of this probably sounds dumb when I have tattoos and slit my wrists both times I overdosed. Phlebotomists always make some kind of comment. "If this hurts, how do you have that giant tattoo?" But it's different. And I also don't remember doing what are now scars on my wrists and arms-- so I guess it didn't hurt at the time? Who knows. Your guess is as good as mine.

But I do know that I'll have to take some kind of blood thinner, whether it's a pill or these needles, for the rest of my life. I have two blood clotting mutations. Factor II and lupus anti-coagulant mutation. They affect how my blood clots. I didn't know I was so special until I wound up in the hospital a few summers ago with 15 blood clots in my lungs. It happened one more time after that but for the most part I can keep it under control.

a monsoon hangover

My husband made this yesterday while I was working on my office and I totally love it.  The Man of Steel theme is so good-- it could make me want to watch just about any movie.  I already love the Star Trek reboots, so I don't need any extra coaxing.  I wasn't really a fan of Man of Steel though.  Especially not a fan of my girl Amy Adams as Lois Lane.  I had high hopes and she just didn't do it for me.  I think Michael Shannon as Zod was great though.  That man just has the face of a villain and while seeing Man of Steel a couple weeks ago, I just kept thinking... "I can't wait for Boardwalk Empire to start up again this fall!"  His story line in the show as Nelson Van Alden was always good but never particularly grabbed me in earlier seasons.  I'm excited to see what happens with him though.  In hindsight, I've enjoyed watching him crossover and evolve as a person.  This last season, I found myself rooting for him and wanting everything to work out.

Okay enough pop culture.

I have a monsoon hangover.  This time in Arizona we have some pretty intense storms-- haboobs, microbursts, etc.  I enjoy a good storm.  I love to watch lightning and fall asleep to the sound of rain drops.  My husband and dog don't.  They both hate storms, especially lightning and thunder.  Our dog Bowie gets so upset.  So if starts storming when we're sleeping, we're usually up for the night at that point.  We take turns comforting the dog.  One or both of us will be in some kind of physical discomfort the next day from laying in a weird position or place for the sake of keeping the dog calm.  We've had Bowie for 5 summers now.  We've come to call the day after effects a monsoon hangover.  I have the most monster headache and feel absolutely drained of even the slightest energy.

There are a lot of things that are just not getting done today.

a typical girl

self pics july 2013, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

In case there was any doubt... I really am a typical girl. I take pictures of myself and then over-edit them in instagram. I haven't done it in awhile though and felt compelled to share because I felt pretty today. Also, a lot of my "recent" pics are old. My hair is so long compared to last summer when it was boy short. Is it just me or do these pics look like ads for Ray Bans? Tell me about it. :)