Saturday, September 28, 2013

the adjacent farmville

Baby Cactus by Digital Heather
Baby Cactus, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I've mentioned before that I live in a small farm town, I think. We've lived here almost a year. I hate that the grocery and drug stores aren't 24 hours. I grew up in what I thought was a small town until I moved here. There are times I feel like I live in the tiny town from Footloose, circa the Bacon version of course, but that's just me being dramatic.

I'm thankful that my life hit the fan in this little town because we won't live here forever. No one will remember what happened if you're catching my drifts.

Another reason I actually like living here is that I'm an hour away from where I used to live and grew up. There's no chance of running into someone. This a great way to avoid people I don't want to know anymore and is a nice break from people I like when I'm feeling overwhelmed and anti-social.

Until recently. I saw the girl who picked my scabs while I spent the night at her house in junior high. Ugh. We looked right at each other and neither of us said anything. I don't think I smiled. I don't think I ever smile unless I tell myself to. I recognized her but I dunno if she recognized me. We were in the same aisle for a few awkward minutes and then it was over.

What is she doing here? What is she doing in my Target? My Target is out in the middle of nowhere and you wouldn't be shopping there unless you also lived in the adjacent farmville. So she must live here. Here. Ugh.

This tiny farm town is only big enough for the one of us. Me. I hate to sound like a mean girl, because I'm not, but she's such a hot mess and I look so good for thirty. The end.

P.S. is s'all good again.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

subtle and not-so-subtle

So I ate 11 of the 12 Breaking Bad cupcakes. My scale hasn't confirmed it yet but I'm going to get fat. My husband only ate one because he "wasn't crazy" about the frosting. He hates cherries-- fake, real, whatever. The frosting tasted more like almond but whatever. Word on the street is he was a very picky eater as a child. I won't even get into it. I've tried my damnedest to beat it out of him and we have made some serious progress in the last ten years. Oh well. So that's why I ate practically all of them.

I had a kind-of awesome job interview yesterday. It's kind of a big deal but also ambiguous so I'm not trying to be cryptic-- there isn't really anything to say about it but I'm semi-mentioning it anyway. is still being transferred and it's driving me crazy that it's not working right now. With the site down, I haven't been working on any content since Sunday. I've been watching a lot of television. I started watching Orange is the New Black, Catfish, and The Goldbergs.

I heard about Orange is the New Black on Reddit in an AMA with a gentleman who works as a prison guard at a female prison. A lot of people kept making references to and asking if it was anything like OitNB. I saw it the next time I loaded up Netflix (it's a Netflix original series) and it's by the same creator as Weeds. I really loved Weeds. Weeds was a spectacular show until I got smart and fell in love with Breaking Bad. Having said that, I still like Weeds and cried when it ended.

Orange is the New Black reminds me a little of Weeds. The dialogue. The subtle and not-so-subtle hints of social and political commentary. It's okay. I'm not in love with it but keep watching it to see what's going to happen next. I guess you could say I'm mildly invested.

I'm also incredibly stuck on Candy Crush lately.

This seems like such a forced and half-ass post. My apologies.

Monday, September 23, 2013

blue meth candy

Breaking Bad Cupcake by Heather Says
Breaking Bad Cupcake, a photo by Heather Says on Flickr.

I had so much fun making these yesterday. My husband even helped me a lot-- he helped wash and dry dishes in between each stage and even made the blue candy meth. I'm happy he had the day off and we finally got these done. I have wanted to do these for awhile now. I'm surprised that no one (at least according to all my Googling) has thought of playing off of the characters names for the flavors/colors. Oh well. We got these finished just in time for yesterday's episode. I don't want Breaking Bad to end, but I don't know what other direction the series would take if it didn't end. It has to end. So I'll get over it.

Click here for recipes and instructions.

Not pregnant. Sooooo not pregnant. I don't know if I mentioned how great I've been feeling since the end of July? Or how great I was feeling. My endometriosis is creeping back, showing her face around here again. I was writhing in pain on the bathroom floor this morning, swimming in a puddle of my own tears and snot. I dunno what I'm going to do with myself-- except just deal with each day and just joke about it when I can. I asked our friend/neighbor if her daughter had a sterile doctor's playset capable of performing a hysterectomy and if she would take my insurance and if not could I pay her in fake blue meth. She gave me a referral to a neighbor that probably would accept my blue meth candy as payment ;)

Saturday, September 21, 2013

like a droid now

These came out so good. Jason and I have pretty much eaten all of them. They're made out of Boo Berry monster cereal. If you've never had Boo Berry... it kind of tastes like Captain Crunch's crunchberries. I have an awesome idea for each box of General Mills Monster cereal, actually.

Boo Berry Ghost Squares recipe and tips can be found here.

In the meantime, my kitchen is such a mess. I asked Jason if we could just burn it down and start over but he said we can't afford to right now. I've been baking up a storm like a cute little wife. Tomorrow is another long baking day.

I spent today at my childhood home helping my dad do restoration stuff. I found a box in the attic with old light fixtures in it. It had a hand-written note inside from my oldest sister. It said, "This box was carefully packed on July 1, 1986 by Robin Hinchliffe." I got a kick out of it and took some pics but they came out as black rectangles? Again... I blame iOS7.

Are you rolling in your grave, Steve Jobs? Because I think you are. I hope you are. My phone feels like a droid now... in more ways than one. Attack of the droids clones. Cough.

Friday, September 20, 2013

for Pete's sake

Banana Pumpkin Muffins by Digital Heather
Banana Pumpkin Muffins, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

These are the fruits of my labors. At least some of them. I made 38 muffins and 6 loaves of bread. What was I thinking? I was trying to perfect a recipe. The dog and husband didn't seem to mind so yay! Click here for recipe and tips.

I don't like iOS7.0. It feels like I have a completely different phone and I'm old-ladying around trying to figure things out. Ugh. Story of my life.

Jeopardy! turned 30. I didn't know we were the same age. They have a new stage that I also dislike. What is the theme here? That I dislike change? Maybe. Anyway. I'll take it up with Alex when I'm on the show. Someday. I'm brushing up on my world geography, the Civil War and Shakespeare-- otherwise I'm golden. I missed the online test last time because I was kind of in the hospital from an overdose. Enough of a reason to stay sane, right? ;)

I'm determined to not be funny and wear something nice for Pete's sake. I've learned from everyone else's cringe-worthy mistakes.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

One teaspoon at a time.

One Teaspoon by Digital Heather
One Teaspoon, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I'm doing a ton of baking today. My kitchen is such a mess right now.

I'm also in the process of transferring web hosting companies. It's such a headache and I feel so much more confused than I probably should be. But whatever. It will sort itself out and the house smells far too heavenly to be too upset about it right now.

One teaspoon at a time.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

someone poisoned the water hole

Breakfast Traditions by Digital Heather
Breakfast Traditions, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Me: Can we stop at Target? I wanna see if they put out the monster cereals yet. I think I want to grab some Count Chocula for a food blog idea.

Five boxes of cereal later. My husband is still shaking his head and then admitted he doesn't even like Count Chocula.

My all-time favorite monster is the Creature from the Black Lagoon. While I'm bummed that he doesn't have his own cereal, I can't say that it would be something appetizing. His diet was a lot like Gollum's I guess. And I don't want any of that.

Speaking of gross stuff-- our local water recently had E Coli. We don't normally consume tap water anyway so that didn't change anything but I did feel regal brushing my teeth with ice cold bottled water. It's fixed now. Supposedly. I'm still wary. My husband exhausted his Woody impression and jokes about how someone poisoned the water hole.

Oh well. Stay tuned for awesomeness.

Monday, September 16, 2013

my favorite traditions

I had a pretty full weekend ;)

I spent part of it with a friend for her birthday. We did some cowboy bar hopping and fell asleep by 9:00pm like the old ladies we are. I treasure her-- probably because we met in a loony bin. She knows me in ways most people can't.

When you call yourself DIY Heather, people are going to ask you to do things or even expect you to do them. Like staining cabinets. I spent the rest of my weekend staining the brand new kitchen cabinets at my parent's house/childhood home. It took forever but I was happy to do it. The whole process from the flood to this new home taking form before me is a bit of a bittersweet process. I keep saying this. I know. I'm going to miss the countertops, tile and linoleum circa 1980. I'm not going to... I already do since they've been gone for months now.

We had homemade pumpkin yogurt pancakes for dinner tonight. It was a festive whim turned last minute food blogging. I love fall and the flavors associated with which. I know how it feels to live in a snowglobe-- I live in a desert that never feels like fall and my favorite traditions feel fake and strange because it's still over 100 degrees outside. Oh well.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

the end result

Okay I can't not mention Dance Moms...

As much as I don't care for Candy Apples and their gimmickry and drama-- that voodoo dance was quite good. I also won't miss Asia or her bug-eyed mother. Have I ever mentioned my thoughts on Asia? I hate to say something not nice about a little girl but... She has too much sass. She reminds me of a miniature drag queen-- and not in a good way. I always cringe at the shots where she and her mother have dance offs. I'm also not a member of team Leslie and Peyton. Peyton always has an opened mouth and a dumb look on her face-- like a certain young woman from a popular vampire franchise. Gaping open mouths are a pet peeve of mine.


A couple weeks ago I added broccoli to my homemade potato latkes and fell in love with the end result. I've made three batches since then. I finally got around to perfecting the recipe and taking pics for foodblogging. You can find the recipe and instructions here.

I've got some neat food and craft ideas coming up that will keep me incredibly busy-- per usual.

I've been on instagram quite a bit lately. If you wanna follow me, my username is hetherrd. It's a little play on my name but gets lost in translation and from a lack of spaces and periods. Should look like Hether Rd. Get it? Corny.

Monday, September 9, 2013

very different from me

She's Stacked by Digital Heather
She's Stacked, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

What a Sunday.

New episodes of RHONJ, Breaking Bad, AND Boardwalk Empire. I didn't even realize Boardwalk was back until we sat down for Breaking Bad. What a nice surprise. Not a bad episode. Needed more Margaret Schroeder and Van Alden. I guess having said that makes me realize they're probably my favorite characters. Aside from Harrow, who was in the episode. I'm also a bit of a fan of Al Capone. It sounds so weird saying it, but he's such a handsome, likable character in this show. He reminds me (and Jason too) of Joe Giudice from Real Housewives of New Jersey. So sometimes we call Al Capone "Juicy Joe." That's probably a weird comparison but oh well.

People usually give me a funny look, a hard time, or both when they find out I watch shows like Real Housewives or Jersey Shore. Is it typical? Maybe. There are life lessons to be learned in there. Somewhere. Trust me. I also just enjoy people. People like me. People very different from me. Etc. For the record-- I don't watch any of the Kardashian shows. I'm still very confused about who they are or why they have shows. I know of their parents but still don't get it.

It rained so much today. I opened up the house again. That's two days in a row. It's supposed to be back to triple digits by the end of the week-- but it's such a nice break for now. It's like living on a totally different planet for me.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

a lazy Sunday coma

Dancing Curtains by Digital Heather
Dancing Curtains, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

It's only 86 degrees right now with a high of 90. Maybe it really is September. Triple digits until Halloween is standard. A tradition even, because that sounds more festive. But I'll take it.

I have the whole house open because not only is it cooler but actually breezy. I love the way that curtains dance in the breezes. I could watch it for hours and slip into a lazy Sunday coma.

We have a rather large southwestern brown widow that has built quite a penthouse between the strands of our patio lights. When we let Bowie out, we each take turns watching her through the sliding glass door. We make squinty Dad faces like we aren't wearing our glasses-- but we always are. Grossed out faces. Curious faces. As I was watching her last night while Bowie did her business, Jason called out from the kitchen--

"Is it moving? I hate when it moves!"

My husband hates and fears spiders. Not that I don't. I do. But I have to fear them a little less because I am the designated spider-killer. I've left her alone so far because our bug guy is coming anyway. There are a few widows living on the patio and I'd just rather not mess with it. It's not as bad as it was when we moved in last year. The entire backyard was infested with black widows. It was horrible.

I also can't bring myself to kill her because she's full of babies. Or her web is, rather. I don't want to be there when they come. It grosses me out. And I know my husband is going to absolutely lose his mind. But I still can't kill her. I'm also not brave enough to catch her and move her somewhere else. I figure if we don't bother her, she won't bother us. She's high enough up that the dog won't mess with her either.

I dunno if it's Charlotte's Web, semi-current-events or what exactly. I just can't kill her.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

a new perspective

All the rain has brought some life to our unfinished, downright desolate backyard. I sat in the dirt and snapped this photo with my phone literally on the ground. I love getting a new perspective. It can change my whole day.

These guys are going to be weeds worthy of my cursing and dirty looks. But for now, they're cute little babies.

Friday, September 6, 2013

eating things that you're not supposed to eat

Okay. Epiphany time. It's about death.

Do I sound stupid when I say I'm afraid of dying? If you're familiar, you're rolling your eyes. Otherwise, you have some reading to do.

But I am. I had a thought that made me a little more comfortable with dying. One of my favorite songs is "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division. If Ian Curtis hadn't died, New Order wouldn't have formed. I can't imagine living in a world without "True Faith," "Age of Consent," "Temptation," "Bizzarre Love Triangle," and duh, "Blue Monday." Is this selfish? Probably. I loved both bands since childhood but it wasn't until much later in life that I discovered their connection.

I think this idea will pop up when I'm talking to my children about death. When they ask, that is. And then we pull out the vinyl if they're not already familiar.

In other news. I spent an entire day at the Brass Armadillo. I think it was once a supermarket but is now a two-floor antique store. It takes FOREVER to look at everything. It's one of the few perks to living this far west in the valley. I was looking specifically for a vintage Sprite bottle from a collection made for and distributed in the National Parks in the 60s. That sounds pretentious. Oh well. I settled for this one. Not from the Park series. It was still sealed and my husband frowned a bit as I poured history down the drain. That soda was almost older than both of us combined. It looked like it. There was a nasty, slimy film on the inside of the bottle that required a little elbow grease. I won't lie-- I was tempted to taste the incredibly old soda. But I didn't. I have a very bad history of eating things that you're not supposed to eat. Glow stick glow (as a teenager). Tire sealant (as a teenager). So much raw cake batter I went to the ER (last year). I wouldn't call it pica. I'm just an idiot.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

add it to the list

Sprite Biscuits Recipe by Digital Heather
Sprite Biscuits Recipe, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I love biscuits. Actually I just love anything bread/flour related. Period. But biscuits are amazing. I made biscuits using this recipe a few times already because they are so good. It's the closest thing to a KFC biscuit that I've ever tasted.

Confession time: I don't like biscuits and gravy. People usually lose their minds when I say that. Same goes for when I say I dislike The Walking Dead or Firefly. And Doctor Who. People. Lose. Their minds. So just add it to the list.

I saw a discussion on Reddit where people were saying, "You shouldn't marry me because..." and then fill in the blank. I never opened it up but you shouldn't marry me because I don't like Dr. Who. It's probably a big deal because I think everyone in the entire world loves that show. Good thing for me I'm already married.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

my sweet treats

September by Digital Heather
September, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I asked for rain and she came. It's been so stormy. We've had to cancel our Joshua Tree adventures three times now.

So I've been baking a lot instead. Baking faster than I can blog about it. Baking faster than Jason and I can eat everything. We don't know our neighbors. If we did, I'd just unload all my foodbloggingfood on them. I know that somewhere, in our neighborhood, there is a pedophile, because we got something in the mail about it. I don't know him. Or where he lives. And he doesn't get my sweet treats.

Speaking of children... we are officially trying again. We had to wait two cycles post-miscarriage and surgery. I thought it would take a million years for my body to re-acclimate but nope. We good. So we'll see. Getting pregnant would be awesome, duh, but it would make me quit the soda again. I caved from stress last month. It could be a lot worse. I'm only drinking two cans a day and also drinking my ensure smoothies and water-- but I'd like to get back down to zero cans.