Thursday, August 22, 2013

awkward females

Animal Crossing Squid by Digital Heather
Animal Crossing Squid, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Flight of the Conchords and Kristen Schaal are coming to my desert! I literally started screaming in the car when we drove by a billboard that said so. Am I typical for being so in love with them and awkward females like Kristen Schaal? I can't even contain my excitement. My animal crossing character has bunny ears because I love Louise (voiced by Kristen Schaal) on Bob's Burgers. You need to know that, Kristen Schaal. Google yourself and read this. That's how my college professors found the things I said about them. Another story for another time.

I really do relate to awkward females. I am an awkward female. You don't even know. I scream. I'm annoying. I don't make sense. Some days I wonder why my husband loves me and married me. Sometimes I'm even too much for me.

I sometimes sit and wonder about people who I lost touch with. I wonder if they ever remember me and think, "Wow that Heather was a real weirdo!" Some people have me beat though.

I once spent the night at this girl's house in junior high. I fell asleep watching tv with her and when I woke up she was taking my watch off (which she broke) and I had a cut on my arm that was bleeding but was a perfectly fine scab before I fell asleep. I deduced she picked my scab. Was she weird or was it just the 90s? She added me on Facebook a couple years ago and I became more and more enraged by how she constantly tried to out-God, out-husband, and out-baby everyone on her friends list. She unfriended me when I updated my status to congratulate Mr. Obama on his second presidential term. I got my out.

She is so awkward but I can't relate to her. I'm glad we no longer know each other or have fake social media contact. Add this as another reason why I'm glad I broke up with Facebook. Seriously.

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