Googling during the commercials

praying batmantis, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

This is Batmantis. There's actually an entire story line which I'll paraphrase due to length and nerdiness. He is the last of three praying mantises that visited our porch for a series of days. I found the other two dead and this one showed up shortly after. My husband named him Batmantis and he is in our garden to avenge his parents' death. Justice.

In other news, we're still unsure of exactly how far along we are in the pregnancy. The initial guess was 11 weeks but the baby isn't measuring that. So either ovulation and conception happened like two days before we first tested pregnant or the baby stopped growing at some point.

My high risk OBYGN couldn't find a heartbeat at our appointment last week. I have another appointment in 8 days to recheck but she said I will probably have miscarried by then. I gave myself the weekend to cry and mope but figured this isn't over until it's actually over.

I haven't had any bleeding or spotting. My pregnancy symptoms are still hot and heavy like morning sickness and sore boobs. They say when the fetus stops growing your pregnancy symptoms usually subside because your body isn't coursing with the hormones like it once was. So since mine still feels that way, I'm staying positive. It's hard to stay positive. One in five women will miscarry and I have been that woman two times already.

Okay and I find it hard to believe that the new episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a coincidence. Jacqueline opened up about she and Chris miscarrying five times before having Nick. At their five week ultrasound there was no heartbeat and they were told to terminate the pregnancy. They waited and returned for another ultrasound which found a heartbeat. Once I heard that, I immediately starting Googling during the commercials to see how often that actually happens (there are very few shows that I actually watch in real time). I found tons of women's stories on forums and blogs saying the same thing. They went on to give birth and have healthy kids. It was inspiring. It definitely got me out of my funk.