listen to my brain

green and purple succulent, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

One of my succulents is really starting to change colors and gets prettier every day.

I went back to the doctor today. Since my body still hasn't passed my missed miscarriage, we talked about my options. I really preferred to let this happen naturally, but it just won't. I figured in the beginning that maybe my mind and body weren't connected because I was still holding onto hope. After the third ultrasound without a heartbeat, I figured my body would listen to my brain and catch up. Waiting for nature to take her course has turned me into a nervous wreck.

So the options, if I didn't mention before, are medicine or surgery. Medicine essentially tricks your body into going into labor, opens your cervix, and everything comes out. Clearly that's the less expensive option. However, with my bleeding disorders and being therapeutic on Lovenox, I'm at risk for hemorrhaging. It happens. Women go to the hospital. Usually not a huge deal. But my husband has the car all day at work 60 miles away and I would have no way to get to the ER if that happened. Well short of calling 911. And calling 911 is expensive. I still have two bills from the last time(s) we called 911. 500+ dollars for when I was conscious and 700+ for when I was unresponsive. So to avoid all of that-- we opted for surgery.

On Monday I'm having a D and C (Dilation and Curettage). They'll dilate my cervix and scrape everything out. Should I have bleeding issues, which is so my style, they can take care of it. The procedure takes 10 minutes or less. I'll be asleep. If there are complications or they want to watch me for post-op pulmonary emboli (which is also my style), then they'll keep me overnight for observation. Otherwise, I get to go home once I wake up and they deem me able.

Of course I'm nervous. Surgery just makes me nervous. Surgery results in more things wrong with me and or bad news. Not that it would happen this time-- it's just why I dislike it.

So we'll see. I'm going to keep occupied this weekend. Come Monday night, I won't have to walk around the house like a nervous Nellie waiting for something to happen.