Monday, June 24, 2013

the emotional strength

I'm quite pleased with this. Making it took forever but was surprisingly therapeutic. I never made a coloring page before today. Probably my first and last time. Technically it was for work.

Nothing else to report. Or at least what we're waiting for.

I'm feeling generally okay. It's actually a bit of a weird limbo I'm swimming in. Before I was pregnant, I was in so much pain with my endometriosis. The events leading up to my surgery had me so busy and preoccupied that I didn't notice that for a good four or five days I was in zero pain. I guess I attribute that to being pregnant and not knowing it. Who knows. While I was pregnant, I had no endo pain whatevsoever. A few times I had back pain which was probably the arthritis I was diagnosed with a few months back. And morning sickness, but that has since subsided.

So aside from obvious strange feelings of loss and confusion-- I'm feeling okay. I just wonder when is THAT going to happen? When is my endo pain going to come back? How long will it take to get pregnant again? Ugh.

It's probably very easy to blame yourself and wonder what you did wrong-- but I can't get caught up in that. I know I did everything I could have considering the body I was given (of course I'm referring to my own body and my diseases/mutations).

I'm thankful though. I'm thankful for the peace I have through all of this. I'm thankful I have the emotional strength to get out of bed each morning and do something with my day. It could be worse. Oh it could be so so much worse. I've been there. So instead I just smile and think, I'm going to have kids at some point. My kids are going to be awesome. So awesome that so far God wants them instead.

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