the positive pieces and opportunities

escalator, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

So my urban exploration / photography opportunity was awesome. I don't think I've ever explored an abandoned building before. I went with a friend and a group of local amateur photographers, otherwise I would have been too scared to go.

I took this photo yesterday. It's from an abandoned horse trotting park that's a few minutes from my house. It's been closed down since the 60s. It has an eeriness that beckons you from the interstate as you drive by. I've been itching to check it out since we moved to this side of the valley 8+ months ago.

I didn't get murdered. We didn't even see homeless people. It was incredibly hot and stunk with tons and tons of bird and bat droppings-- but I got some pretty decent pics. I'd like to go back when it's cooler and during a different time of day.

I realized last night that I would have never had this adventure if I was still pregnant. Traipsing around in asbestos and feces in an unstable building wouldn't have happened. So while a miscarriage can be devastating, you have to find the positive pieces and opportunities, keep finding them, and be thankful for them.

Check out the rest of my photos from the park here.

grown up things

07272013, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I want to buy everything from World Market from now on. They have the best everything. I wish I had an extra 800 bucks laying around for their beautiful bureaus and dressers. I settled for clearance jewelry and some two-tone heart-shaped ramekins.

I'm going to photograph an abandoned horse track tomorrow. It's just up the interstate from our home. There's something very haunting and depressing about it. It's been abandoned since the 60s. My husband says murderface is going to get me. I'm taking my friend Jeff and meeting up with other local photographers. Just in case.

I've known Jeff since 2005. Hanging out together used to mean setting things on fire-- like Spongebob pinatas. Sounds juvenile, I know. Do people still do things like that in their twenties? We did. We're older now. So we do grown up things, I guess. I'm excited to see him. We used to work together years ago and hang out all the time. We rarely see each other these days. I last saw him when I was hospitalized for my second overdose. That was barely four months ago but it feels like so much more time than that has passed. In a good way.

waffles for dinner

Mickey Mouse Waffles, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Jason and I went grocery shopping yesterday. I had a strict list we were adhering to.

A Mickey Mouse Waffle Iron was not on that list. It was too cute and too on sale to pass up. We came home so excited that we made waffles for dinner.

I've avoided waffle irons in the past because:

+would we really use it?
+it's a messy appliance
+I don't want to clean it
+The batter sticks
+Waste of money
+etc

I was wrong. At least when it comes to this one. It was so easy to use. So easy in fact that my husband made the waffles himself. The iron stayed clean and not a single waffle stuck. It's also a small appliance so storage won't be an issue.

I love it so much :) <3

the hanky pankies

frozen blueberries, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I'm still on my smoothie kick. I get a kick out of the pretty little crystals that always grow on my blueberries so finally took a pic.

I had my post-op follow up. Everything is normal and or as expected. Well except a bladder infection-- but that's normal too. I didn't even know I had it. Usually infections like that have me writhing in pain but this one was a nice guy, I guess. Or girl. Oh well. Three days of antibiotics to kick it out and hopefully no subsequent yeast infections. My vagina can be a real bitch.

Got the green light for the hanky pankies but CANNOT get pregnant for at least two cycles. It'll be hard to resist but I'm glad I read up on it.

Lots of dumb women on forums admit their doctors told them to wait a few cycles before getting pregnant, but they waited just a few days and got pregnant again just to miscarry. Again.

Are you an idiot? (Not you, of course. Them.) I refuse to be an idiot if I can help it.

a hint of white trash

sunburn2013, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I got such a bad sunburn the other day. I'm a grown adult. I know better. Yeah yeah yeah. Fresh cold aloe from my garden makes everything better.

My birthday was uneventful. My husband made me a beautiful hot mess of a birthday cake. My friend treated me to a manicure. The end. It was really like any other day. Oh well.

My parents' house is almost done. It's been about 6 months since the water damage. Multiple repairs had to be done twice because the jokers that were contracted by the insurance company screwed up so many times. They had to rip out an entire ceiling and do it again because they rushed the job and the first new ceiling came out cracked everywhere. It's been such a joke.

The moral of the story is... I really need to get that Star Wars tattoo touched up. It's getting a hint of white trash to it.

under control

lovenox, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

So I picked up my 30 day supply of lovenox the other day. I inject it every 12 hours into my stomach-- so that's 60 needles. Actually it's the generic for Lovenox, Enoxaparin Sodium Injection. Our insurance covers every penny, otherwise it would cost over 4 thousand dollars for every month's supply. Yes. $4,000+. It's so much money. Blah.

I'm content staying on this for as long as they'll let me. I did Coumadin (which is a pill) for two years before this and I've been injecting now for about 3 months. I can't take Coumadin while pregnant, so I'd rather just stay on this from now til that happens and then continue instead of playing musical medicines.

People always ask me if it hurts. It does. The needle is small, so it could be much worse. After these past few months, I'm developing little areas of scar tissue in my stomach where I can no longer feel the needle go in anymore. The actual medicine hurts though too. It burns. I guess like poison? I have no frame of reference. Actually like a bee sting. It burns like that. And then for about 30 minutes after, I feel like I got punched in the stomach. Then it goes away and I do it again 12 hours later.

In the beginning, I couldn't do it and my husband had to. When we got the news that there might be something wrong with the baby, I told myself to just get over my hangup and do it for the baby. And I did. It still grosses me out. It's hard to do to yourself, especially when it hurts.

All of this probably sounds dumb when I have tattoos and slit my wrists both times I overdosed. Phlebotomists always make some kind of comment. "If this hurts, how do you have that giant tattoo?" But it's different. And I also don't remember doing what are now scars on my wrists and arms-- so I guess it didn't hurt at the time? Who knows. Your guess is as good as mine.

But I do know that I'll have to take some kind of blood thinner, whether it's a pill or these needles, for the rest of my life. I have two blood clotting mutations. Factor II and lupus anti-coagulant mutation. They affect how my blood clots. I didn't know I was so special until I wound up in the hospital a few summers ago with 15 blood clots in my lungs. It happened one more time after that but for the most part I can keep it under control.

a monsoon hangover

My husband made this yesterday while I was working on my office and I totally love it.  The Man of Steel theme is so good-- it could make me want to watch just about any movie.  I already love the Star Trek reboots, so I don't need any extra coaxing.  I wasn't really a fan of Man of Steel though.  Especially not a fan of my girl Amy Adams as Lois Lane.  I had high hopes and she just didn't do it for me.  I think Michael Shannon as Zod was great though.  That man just has the face of a villain and while seeing Man of Steel a couple weeks ago, I just kept thinking... "I can't wait for Boardwalk Empire to start up again this fall!"  His story line in the show as Nelson Van Alden was always good but never particularly grabbed me in earlier seasons.  I'm excited to see what happens with him though.  In hindsight, I've enjoyed watching him crossover and evolve as a person.  This last season, I found myself rooting for him and wanting everything to work out.

Okay enough pop culture.

I have a monsoon hangover.  This time in Arizona we have some pretty intense storms-- haboobs, microbursts, etc.  I enjoy a good storm.  I love to watch lightning and fall asleep to the sound of rain drops.  My husband and dog don't.  They both hate storms, especially lightning and thunder.  Our dog Bowie gets so upset.  So if starts storming when we're sleeping, we're usually up for the night at that point.  We take turns comforting the dog.  One or both of us will be in some kind of physical discomfort the next day from laying in a weird position or place for the sake of keeping the dog calm.  We've had Bowie for 5 summers now.  We've come to call the day after effects a monsoon hangover.  I have the most monster headache and feel absolutely drained of even the slightest energy.

There are a lot of things that are just not getting done today.