another ten years

jason and Bowie, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I'm not sure how she did this, but she did. There's no mistake that she is our child-- she's a hairy spaz.

I can't sleep. My entire face and head are congested. I refuse to take anything to clear it up for fear of inadvertently drying up my cervical mucous too. I started having allergies right around the time we started trying to make a baby (over a year ago but who else is counting besides me). I was going through allergy medicine regularly until browsing a common infertility FAQ. So now I suffer. My precious mucous. I felt guilty and stupid but not for long since it wasn't ever the culprit anyway.

Who blogs about cervical mucous? Who blogs about their OWN at least? Jason and I celebrated our first decade together. We met when we were twenty and in a couple days, Jason will turn thirty. My turn isn't until summer. But if you told me at 20 that I'd be blogging about my mucous by 30, I would have said, "You've got the wrong Heather. That's gross. I'm not a mom."

I stopped dying and pulling my gray hair out so my husband won't feel so bad about his. I wonder what my priority at 40 will be. I hope not still mucous. I'll laugh at myself in another ten years but I really feel so old. I'm sure there's more to it. I bet I wouldn't feel so old if I was healthier. And it would probably help if everyone I know didn't just have a baby and my entire newsfeed is just adorable babies all the time.