Small blessings

dragonfly, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

The biggest dragonfly I have ever seen paid me a visit tonight. It was larger than most hummingbirds I have seen and could probably eat my dog if it wanted to.

It's amazing the things I have time to do lately, and most of the time my body allows me to. I have been unemployed almost a week now. I made it a point to finish the week with a bang and try to overshadow the rest. I didn't want to remember it as the week GameStop broke up with me. So instead, I'll remember it as the week Jay and I saw the Decemberists in concert and ate TGIF twice in the same evening and shot bows and arrows. Small blessings.

A giant blessing was meeting my insurance deductible and not having to pay a penny of my 60 thousand dollar hospital stay. Although at the end of the month I will be uninsured.

I haven't looked for a new job yet. I am allowed to re-apply in 30 days if I wish. I haven't even signed my severance pkg yet. It was pesos. If I wasn't so poor, I'd throw it back in their faces just to feel good about myself, but can't afford to. I have fantasized about working at Hot Topic and Build a Bear, but I know I can do better. I'm a grown woman with college degrees. Le sigh.

In the meantime, we're finishing wedding stuff and have begun redoing some stuff around the house. Our videogame room is going to be a baby room now. No baby yet. Just preparing.

I'm chock full of diseases but trying to have the time of my life.

another passion

wedding envelopes, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

This is a shot of our wedding envelopes-- all hand-decorated. We bought manila-style clasp envelopes, but recycled brown in color (like a paper grocery bag), from Staples (10 bucks for 100). We cut off the top few inches where the metal clasp is attached and folded them over to accommodate an invitation. We used a flowery decorative punch to make the flap closure a little cuter. I'll post a pic of a 100% finished one soon. The bride and groom and chandelier are all hand-stamped and the back of the envelope has some stamped peacock feathers too.

Jason and I have slaved at our kitchen table all weekend pumping out wedding invitations. I can truly appreciate the concept of an assembly line now like never before. We recruited friends and family members into our little sweatshop. Jason's mother sent us a portable 3D/blu-ray player which was a godsend in the hospital and we also used it in the kitchen to watch netflix and keep ourselves entertained while doing the same task over and over. (She also used her clout in the scrapbooking world to get us beautiful paper and lots of it and much more quickly than we could have locally.) The whole experience has been a lot of fun! We are very close to being done, but we have enjoyed it. We could have paid thousands (no we couldn't have afforded it!) but our invitations are incredibly beautiful and we'll always remember all the time and effort put into designing and assembling them.

I'll post photos of the invites soon. They are very scrap-tastic! If you told me a year ago that J and I would be making our wedding invitations out of scrapbook paper and using decorative punches and stamps, we would have laughed at you. I can't hide how fun it is. My friend Elysia turned me onto the idea for the invites and now I can't wait to go back to NY soon and scrap with Jason's mother and aunt. I have turned into one of those crafty wives.

We have spent weeks designing the invitations and now they're finally materializing. It's been a good project to keep me side-tracked and get me out of bed. I found out last week that the video game store which I manage is closing and I will no longer have a job. I have been on disability since April and will very soon be unemployed.

I go back to work the day after tomorrow and at the end of the week I will have a severance package and 5 years of memories. I'm not sure what I'm going to do next. I joke about my diseases and say, "Oh well, I'll live" because I need to stay positive... but I'm still shocked and upset about work (or lack of work) and haven't reached that next level of enlightenment.

Bottom line, I'm lucky, even if I can't feel like it or believe it every day. I am alive-- which is no accident after what I have been battling. I have my family and Jason's family and a wonderful network of friends. We're going to have a beautiful wedding and start making beautiful babies and everything else isn't worth writing about at 2 am or any other time for that matter. I'll find another passion and pursue it just like I have in the past.

It'll happen.

only almost

lights, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I'm at a standstill.

It's a blessing and a curse.

I'll say more when I know more.

This year has almost killed me but only almost.

And our vacuum cleaner broke and Jason yelled at K-mart until they replaced it.

This is my life.

a cake and a rabbi

engagement blooper, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

This is probably the funniest photo taken during our engagement photo session the other day. I look terrified!

We found a priest, believe it or not. A priest and shoes have proven to be the most difficult items to check off for this rushed wedding scavenger hunt. And now they're both checked off!

We need a cake and a rabbi-- and that's it, believe it or not. We can't sit back and relax just yet, but it certainly has gone much more smoothly than I anticipated. We have actually done a lot in such a small amount of time.

I'm pretty bias, but this is going to be the best wedding J and H have ever been to. You'll see.

Arizona marries New York

san carlos chandelier, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

This is a chandelier at our wedding reception venue.

Everything is actually coming together nicely. It took me weeks to find shoes that I liked for myself and then another style for my bridesmaids so that they compliment the dresses as well as each other. My wedding theme and details straddle a fine line between being random and "too much." If that makes sense.

My dress was easy-- a little too easy. I knew the moment I saw it.

Getting a priest and a rabbi is another story. There's a reason jokes start with both and my wedding will be the punchline. Priests don't like marrying you outside of the church. Priests also don't like co-officiating. I've read online that rabbis will co-officiate at an interfaith wedding as long as the children are raised Jewish. One thing at a time. They make this dual-religion thing look so easy in the movies. Aside from some comments from our families sometimes, it has actually been very easy. 8 years of fairly easy. We'll figure it out.

This is what happens when Arizona marries New York.

scientifically correct

birthday monkey, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

It's official. I'm 28. It's a bummer being sick and poor on your birthday, but hey. I could be dead or homeless, so I am thankful nonetheless.

For the first 6 months of the year J is older than me and for the remainder we're the same age. He will argue that he is always older than me, and is technically and scientifically correct, but you know what I mean.

This is a giant sock monkey my mother got me. My other soon-to-be-mother bought me a beautiful peignoir set that makes me feel very va-va-VOOM... which I haven't felt since April. My birthday consisted of a cat scan of my lungs, an ultrasound of my neck and arm, a free birthday lunch (technically we were taste-testing our wedding meal), finalizing our wedding flowers, a long angry nap, and a free dozen of krispy kremes.

I've still got 1.25 hrs left of my birthday, so the night is not young but neither am I and much like life lately, I dunno what else she might bring.

Happy Birthday to me. Life is good! I'm marrying my best friend and planning all the details is uber exciting.

a little creativity

window with vines, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

Snapped this pic while taking a tour of a wedding venue this morning.

I'm still sick but wedding planning keeps me busy. If I list everything we've done or decided on, I'll feel accomplished, so here goes...

-ceremony venue chosen, deposit tomorrow
-wedding dress
-wedding dress deposit
-first dress fitting
-bridesmaid dresses almost chosen
-shoes chosen
-groom's attire chosen
-groomsmen attire chosen
-stylist and make-up artist chosen
-reception venue chosen
-food established and provided by venue
-centerpieces chosen
-photographer chosen
-wedding cake topper chosen
-first dance/song picked out

Still need to...
-taste test with chef
-pick wedding cake
-get a dj
-pick out wedding music
-hire mariachi band
-send invitations
-secure transportation
-visit flower shop
-decide birdcage VS veil
-find a priest
-find a rabbi

I'm probably forgetting stuff at the moment.

I was so stressed and thought I needed a wedding planner so I could just focus on my health. I got this! Everyone is a big help so far! I'll say your name so you know I mean it... Jason, Robin, Sara(h), Elysia.

Tackling some homemade invitations tomorrow and hopefully with a little creativity and dog shampoo, they'll be better than the ones I wanted for a thousand bucks.

More next time.