like... a woman

burlesque mannequin in store window, a photo by Digital Heather on Flickr.

I love this picture. I took it last spring during a vacation I surprised my mother with. Same view at night.

It's a nice picture to look at because I feel so blah lately. Every day is sweatpants day. I haven't worn make-up in two months. I barely touch my hair. I have a patio chair in my shower because I can't stand long enough for even a quick one. I've never pegged myself high-maintenance, but at least then I had a choice. I don't feel like myself. I don't feel like... a woman. I feel like the mess of an adolescent I used to be before I learned how to control my hair.

I can hear summer beginning outside. The school buses have stopped. All of my paid vacation time has been used to fund my disability. Worst. Vacation. Ever.